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Rainchecks & Destruction

http://abduzeedo.com/30-beautiful-expressive-portraits

There is something wrong with me. These days I just want to yell at everyone for being so ignorant. I feel more self-righteous than I ever was before. It is actually funny, last night I was so worked up with the world that I wrote an entry on the narcissistic world of certain people in my life, yet today I woke up and realised I am the only narcissist. But, how can I be altruistic when no one will answer my questions? I just want someone to tell me it is okay. This is not a menstruation act, this is me. I’ve been feeling this ever since everything in my life went downhill. I’ll explain why:

- I lost my best friend, possibly forever
- I lost my could’ve been, possibly forever
- I lost one of my close friends, there’s hope, I guess.
- My close friends thinks I am a bitch for voicing my opinions
- People who I have never talked to, possibly think I am a bitch due to not wanting to hear my side of the story
- I have no money and not to mention my mother’s rants about my selfish acts of not helping her pay the bills.
- Pressure in every direction
- HSC is overrated yet highly vital in my life. <--This is embedded in my head for the next 6 months.
Maybe this is just a typical teenager’s life but why does it feel so heavily exaggerated in my head? Why does it feel, that 2 years ago, everything was great, so great, I hardly thought like this. No, this can’t be a typical teenager’s life because my friends don’t have these problems. What I’ve grown to hate is the line “I feel sorry for you” I don’t need your sympathy; I just need you to listen and tell me it is not that bad. No one has said that to me, everyone just plays along with me that it IS that bad, no wonder why everything is exaggerated. And I can’t say that all these dramas are self-inflicted because there not, some people in this world are just plain.. obnoxious. Why do I care so much? I don’t want to care about anything or anyone anymore. I have cared for the past 17 years and yet, no one gives a shit.
I think I mentioned in a past entry that I want to live under a rock; I think I will, not to study but to disappear, see if anyone cares then. Despite my stupid life, I need motivation. Maybe a high UAI will make me feel better. I had motivation at the throat when I got my half yearly results then a few days later, it escaped. Sneaky bastard. I’ll go searching for you soon.
Oh yeah, who the fuck turned on the sensitive button in the world? No one can take a joke these days.
Listening to: The Whitest Boy Alive - Dead End

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Posted on Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Comments:
Vee =D

"WHAT DOESN'T KILL U MAKES U STRONGER" cos u'll survive the hsc, besides at the end of the day everyone is on the same boat. Even if ur not satisfy with the UAI, there are also other alternatives that'll make u successful. U've proven a lot already...

the truth is i almost gave up on school a few yrs back -> pricks, teachers etc. that was the turning point, until i got a bit of support (not so great btw) & thats where i started to realise u just have to accept things the way it is sometimes. I didnt want to care for anyone as well but the reality is i care too much.

Ur not a btc, its the time where we develop the inner emotions. No ones perfect in life. U can also embrace life ;) think positive, dw there will also be someone out there in the later future who will care. It's okay to voice ur opinions, that's a true friend. I'm surrounded by a bunch of two-faced, four five-faced?

try and ease up a little, don't put too much pressure on ur self. stay in control...

all the best be within u...
posted by Anonymous nc : May 8, 2009 at 9:26 PM
 
OMG.. I know who you are now ! Nina!! Thanks so much for wise words.. yeah your right, I just feel.. you know out of it alot these days, hope to catch up with you sooon.. we should go for coffee sometime!
posted by Anonymous vee : May 9, 2009 at 6:36 PM
 

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