I’ve been feeling out if ‘it’ these days, feeling paranoid, self-conscious and over-thinking certain situations. I hate the fact that my life revolves around paranoia because most of the time I am picturing the negative connotations of certain situations and the worse part is… some of it turns out to be true. I only have one week left of holidays and I feel like I wasted the first week doing nothing, I have not accomplished any of my study goals nor personal goals. What does this tell me? It tells me that I must break this habit, along with many other bad habits:

- late nights & late mornings
- procrastinating & stop finding any excuse to not do the allocated task
- be aware of surroundings
- stop daydreaming and fly away from lala land
- stop relying everything on fate or hope
- stop leaving everything till the last minute
- Wake up .. There’s not much time left.
- Stop spending money on things that are not needed
- Such as eating out all the time

I just wished I could say “NO” to certain things, why do I have to give in to temptation and the fact of having fun? I know I said it was wrong and not necessary to become anti-social but I want to lock myself in my room for 7 months, I know… I am a hypocrite. Although I know there will be repercussions such as ‘drifting’ from many people but at this moment, I only have a limited amount of close friends due to school and personal reasons, and if I were to live under a rock for 7 months, HSC would only be part of the reason why.

Unless.. someone comes along to change that perspective .

This song is how I feel right now, been repeated for many hours.

Sarah Blasko – Hammer

There's a hole in the roof and the dust that's pouring through

Labels: anti-social, thoughts

Posted on Wednesday, April 22, 2009